Why my first marriage crashed – Pastor Olumide Emmanuel

The General Overseer of the Calvary Church, Pastor Olumide Emmanuel, has said his first wife repeatedly abused him during their nine years of marriage.

The pastor further stated that the wife, whose identity he did not reveal during the interview that was aired on Okonkwo’s YouTube channel and viewed by our correspondent on Tuesday, was an abuser and had been married twice before he met her.

He said, “There are some things I won’t say to protect them. I became a pastor at the age of 21. I got married in 1997. This information is coming to the public domain for the first time. A lot of people didn’t know, so I just kept quiet. I lost friends.  And people didn’t know, God said I should keep quiet because he would fight for me and vindicate me. I was a victim.

“I met this beautiful daughter of Zion, and when I met with her, we started as business partners and friends. As a business partner, I didn’t know much about her personal life. When we came into contact with each other, it was time to get married, I proposed to her. And then we started a courtship; she explained to me that she was not divorced but that she had been married twice. During this period she told me her story.

“In the first marriage, she said she got married, but there was no sex, so the marriage was not consummated. She said she discovered that the man could not perform sexually. When the man could not perform, he (the husband) accused her saying that something was wrong with her because he had done it a week before. The man was in a relationship with one of her chief bridesmaids and she still got married to him. So when this came out, it led to a lot of other things. This is all according to her story. So when she got out of this, they went into what is called a dissolution marriage. I did my investigation.’’

Pastor Emmanuel went on to say that despite learning of his ex-wife’s unsuccessful second marriage—which was allegedly caused by the man’s broken promises and infidelity—he still went ahead and married her.

He stated, “In her second marriage, they had done the traditional rites. I knew this because she told me she wanted to go abroad for a wedding.

“And then she came back and I asked why didn’t the marriage take place. They were to get married, and the man she was to marry was a pastor in a major holy denomination here in Nigeria.

“She had a business before she left Nigeria. And the man promised her that she could still be doing her business when she came. But when she got there, he shifted the goalpost and told her that she had to shut down her business in Nigeria.

“And when I showed up, and by my experience and journey with God, we went ahead and got into the relationship. But the very minute the relationship started, I started noticing things. I realised that she was in the prison of her past.

“I realised that insecurity was a major issue. And then I realised her experience had damaged her and that she was not yet healed from it. Because this was my area, I knew what to do. I knew I could help her.

“And we got married at the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries. The General Overseer of the MFM was involved in the marriage. She took succour in prayer. I told her that prayer could not solve the issue, even though I believe in prayer. I told her she needed help. At one point, there were some things she did that surprised me. She did something that was like a high level of abuse.”

He revealed that he was about to give up and move on due to his wife’s behaviour, which he had gotten tired of even before they were married, but he changed his mind when people pleaded on her behalf.

He added, “All these things were before marriage, and then she started begging and crying, saying that she was sorry. So we went on with the wedding. On the wedding day, she walked out of the wedding. People do not know all these stories. I’m doing this to help people. And I am doing this openly and globally. She walked out of the wedding; I have people that were there. Why did she walk out of the wedding? — … see how religion destroys people’s lives?”

In addition, Pastor Emmanuel said that his first wife left the wedding reception—which his mother had insisted on planning on their behalf—during the ceremony because of cultural issues.

He explained, “I don’t believe in wedding gowns and receptions. So my parents were saying, ‘You are the firstborn’, and my mother begged me saying that wedding ceremonies were done once.

“So when they insisted, I told them they could go ahead and that we would come and visit them. And as we were coming in, my mother came out and started jubilating that “our wife has come.”

“And then my wife just flipped and told my mother, ‘No, mummy, I’m not your wife. I am my husband’s wife. And that is the way they will begin to call someone a compound wife and begin to pour evil water for someone to match on.’

“I felt embarrassed. My mom started explaining to her that the house was Jesus’ house and that there was no evil water. She started questioning why we came, and then suddenly turned around and left. On our wedding day, she walked out. That was the beginning of the marriage for the next 10 years.

“It was a combination of all kinds of things. As a young man, there were many things that I began to see. Your ministry is born out of your misery. I was doing amazingly well from campus to campus, and … will still end up in a failed marriage. And this is why I decided to come and teach the next generation practical things that churches are not talking about.

“There were all kinds of things, including physical abuse, which we cannot discuss. I cannot go into details, but the abuse was heavy. But let me say this: if I didn’t get a slap, at a minimal count, in nine years of marriage, maybe six times. A full-grown man like me receiving slaps.”

He clarified that despite the woman’s constant abuse of him; he attempted to resolve their differences but only returned home and discovered that she had left the house after nearly 10 years of marriage.

He said, “We were coming from Dr  Daniel Olukoya’s office when she introduced me to him. And some things happened that I won’t disclose. Dr Olukoya is one of the humblest men of God I have ever seen; with the way he welcomed us. But when we got back into the car, this woman did not say a word. And when we got to where she would drop, she told me I was so arrogant. And I asked her what I did wrong.

“She said she told me somebody was her father and that I went there and started opening my mouth and felt relaxed. And that I was quoting the scripture and started asking what church I had. And, how many members do I have? She thoroughly dealt with me.

She said she told me not to mention any date, and I wanted to respond to her but she told me that she would slap me if I said any word.

I parked the car, and I looked at her because even my parents had never slapped me before.

“I asked her to repeat what she said. And she repeated that she would slap me. This is why I used to preach to people not to ignore early signs. And history can repeat itself when people refuse to learn from it. And to learn from history, it is not to experience, but that you document it all. All those things that led to abuse, I never did, but she did. She abandoned the house. I got home one day, and she was gone.

“I called my lawyer and looked at the laws of Nigeria. I called family members and waited until everything was done and I was the one who filed for divorce. Before I filed for divorce, we had sessions with Dr Olukoya, Pastor  Oyedepo   and a lot of other people.”