What is micro cheating? TikTok trend has taken hold in the Gen Z dating scene – but a relationship expert warns it might lead to controlling behaviour in young people’s relationships

With new social media platforms come new dating trends – and one term that has been coined in recent years has clearly taken hold with Gen Z. 

‘Microcheating’ is a series of small gestures – such as hiding messages from your partner or flirting with other people – that some say could point towards infidelity or unfaithful behaviour.

The term has spawned millions of TikTok videos, but one expert has warned that, with such a broad definition, there’s a risk young women in relationships could open themselves up to coercive control by following the trend too closely.

Conversely, they might also begin to exhibit controlling behaviour themselves. Hundreds of content creators have taken to the video platform to share the things they consider to be micro cheating.

In one video, London-based content creator Nas Brown defines the phenomenon as engaging in certain types of behaviour ‘with someone outside of your relationship that is fundamentally supposed to be for the purpose of your relationship’.

She goes on to list things she considers to be micro cheating in certain contexts, including sending photos and sharing ‘inner thoughts and feelings’ with someone who isn’t your partner.

British relationship expert Annabelle Knight, from Lovehoney explained: ‘Although trending on TikTok right now, microcheating isn’t a new concept. 

‘In this viral social-media form, it generally describes behaviours that don’t classify as explicit cheating or physical actions.

‘Instead, it’s more likely to be emotional. This could be liking someone’s social media pictures, staying in contact with an ex, following someone you find attractive who isn’t your partner or having close friendships with the opposite sex in heterosexual relationships. 

‘It could also be behaviours that help someone conceal their relationship, leaving them open to someone else, like not posting a partner on social media or downplaying a relationship in conversation.’

According to 21-year-old influencer Brogan Perry from Durham, her definition of microcheating includes larger actions like brazen flirting.

In one TikTok video, Brogan broke down five behaviours she classed as microcheating, invoking many viewers to agree with her.

She first listed concealing messages as a major sign and explained to her audience why she thought it was a big no-no.

Brogan also attacked people who speak negatively about their partner to other people and argued this was another sign of micro-cheating. 

She added that while it was generally accepted to seek comfort in a friend whenever you were having issues with your partner, she wouldn’t tolerate her man seeking solace in the arms of the opposite sex.

Speaking from personal experience, she added: ‘I’ve had it in the past where I’ve had an argument with someone and they’ve gone to a lass that they know I can’t stand on the basis of certain reasons – and completely slagged me off and the issue. And that’s not okay’.

The TikToker added that remaining friends with an ex was microcheating, in her eyes. 

However, in all cases, Brogan notes that it’s important to maintain communication with your partner, and that every relationship is different.

She said : ‘Communication is definitely the biggest thing you need in a relationship for one to work’ she explained.

‘Once you stop communicating over issues such as the ones mentioned in the video, the relationship won’t work’.

Brogan’s video attracted 23,000 views as well as praise from viewers, including one person who said they ‘completely’ agreed ‘with everything’ she said.

‘Absolutely agree!’ chimed another.

However some disagreed, and one person argued: ‘Cheating is cheating, none of this micro stuff. Just don’t put yourself in any situation that causes you to think about anyone that isn’t your partner’.

Relationship psychologist Limor Gottlieb, of Brunel University in London, warned that, while it’s good to have boundaries in a relationship, you shouldn’t follow the stipulations of microcheating too closely.

She said: ‘People who are drawn to this type of content may already be insecure in their relationships, especially people with an anxious attachment style.’

An anxious attachment style is one of four types of relationship attachment styles. It characterises someone who has a deep rooted fear of abandonment, who behaves anxiously in relationships because they are worried their partner could leave them at any moment. 

Limor said: ‘Anxious people are already constantly preoccupied with their relationships and constantly scanning their environment for threats to their relationship. They want to closely monitor their partners and seek to be in close proximity. 

‘Research including my own studies consistently show that anxious people are more likely to perpetrate violence against romantic partners. 

‘So this trend could potentially increase conflict in relationships that in some cases may lead to violence.

‘Ultimately, every couple needs to have an open dialogue about what cheating means to them and they need to negotiate their boundaries. What one person defines as cheating may not be the same for the other.’

Daily Mail UK