Trained Hospital Chaplains are familiar with the Kubler-Ross Model which centered on five stages of grief, namely Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It is agreed that the most difficult stage is the stage of Denial because the patient is buried in unacceptance of the problem. Imagine the mother refusing to accept the death of a child or someone diagnosed with cancer or aids denying the result of the test.
In the rural settings and failing nations, where religion has taken ownership, you will hear “I reject it! It is not my portion! I cast it out! The enemy is a liar!” I have been privileged to see medical professionals surrender their knowledge and training to self-made prophets for miracles and to pray out cancer.
The most disturbing encounter was at a hospice where I worked as a Chaplain: A patient was giving up the spirit, the hospice team and medical professionals present all bowed in silence and humility for the departing spirit in total reverence to God. I was engaged in silent prayer. But the untrained pastor (Redeemed Church) was not in concert, he was excited as he pointed to the dying person and uttered “O he promised to come for thanksgiving in my church after he recovered,” he added. He could not fathom the silence of all. I looked at one of the attending nurses who politely asked him to please step into the waiting room. Even when the patient is in denial, the counseling priest must not be in denial.
Not all trained counselors succeed in helping the subjects to get to the next level but the point is that we must keep trying and be faithful to the task because once the patient shifts to the next level of anger, the interaction becomes easier as the reasons for anger at God, people, self, and nature could be discussed with care and empathy to usher the patient to the next stage of bargaining.
The patient bargains for time to take care of some issues, like resolving pending problems in the family, writing a will, and relocating himself in the spiritual. The step to the next stage, depression, is shorter; here, the patient exhibits sadness and tendencies of withdrawal; good medication, visits by friends and family members, some activities, and medication could help.
Getting to the level of acceptance is the prayer of a chaplain and counselor. One icon of basketball diagnosed with HIV/AIDS over two decades is an example of a person that got to the level of acceptance. He has since achieved even more in business and living than that time when the presence of the disease in his system was discovered and announced to him. Most people who get to the stage of acceptance live a normal life, reducing the issue to one of the challenges of life such that the family and friends are better positioned to address the chores.
In the above simple summary of the work of Kubler-Ross, you will agree with me that the most difficult and damaging stage to anyone in grief is the stage of denial. Denial is simply defined as, “refusal to admit the truth or reality of something.” https://www.merriam-webster.com › dictionary › denial.” The chosen definition is the most relevant to this script.
Many people die in denial even when taking their last breath; so, they leave their family in chaos: There is no will, no records of their debts and assets, no records of loans given to people, no succession plans, and no guide to the family members. The family, therefore, relies on pseudo-truth and ephemeral concoctions in facing the challenges of grief after the death of a family member.
Many will relate to the question of the press when one of our erudite, brave, and great leaders in Nigeria died, “Who will wear Papa’s shoes?” One of the leader’s disciples answered, after he came back from incarceration, that Papa did not leave his shoes, papa went with his shoes and caps: Simply put, there was no succession plan.
There are still many leaders and activists who have firsthand records of the state of our Nigerian Nation when Nigeria was amalgamated.
I make bold to call on these people to take honest and bold steps to proffer their leadership by moving from the Denial stage of leaving Nigeria to “God will do it.” The truth is that God created human beings to do it. There is the need for actions now, “Nothing is achieved without action.” Each leader should have realized where he or she failed the nation and why he looked away from the needful and the truth. This should not be a reason to abscond because even our God will not say what happened did not happen.
But God offers a way out through the process of atonement, remedial, and forgiveness. One program that helped South Africa after the crush of Apartheid was the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) headed by Bishop Desmond Tutu, where truth was shared honestly and painfully, not for punitive purposes but for the value of truth and reconciliation through forgiveness. This might help Nigeria if handled truthfully.
Nigeria needs a structure, a blueprint, and a workable model for governance and running the nation. The modern world is governed through models that are electronically replicated for ease of actuating and actualizing. It is like flying an Airplane, there must be a connection between the plane and the control towers. The earlier we give wisdom and knowledge their place in Nigeria, the sooner we start overcoming denial. Conscience was described as an open wound and only the truth can heal it.
Let the government start with one truth right away by respecting the judiciary, and freeing Sowore, releasing Kalu, and Igboho, immediately. Government should also look into the points of their agitations; they should be part of the healing steps.
The Venerable Idowu Adewakun, Atlanta, USA
