Men who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath often display these 9 specific behaviors

We’ve all met them – men who seem friendly and charming at first, but soon reveal a more manipulative side.

The difference between genuine kindness and manipulation is about intent.

While a genuinely kind person acts out of respect and care for others, a manipulator uses charm as a means to an end, often hiding their true intentions.

These manipulators often exhibit certain behaviors that give them away. And knowing these signs can help you avoid falling into their traps.

In this article, we’ll reveal the specific behaviors often displayed by men who are friendly on the surface but manipulative underneath.

1) They are overtly charming

We’ve all encountered them. Men who, at first, seem so charming and friendly, it’s almost too good to be true.

And often, it is.

These men use their charm as a tool to win over your trust and affection. They know exactly what to say and how to act to make you feel special and valued.

But the key here is that this charm often feels forced or superficial. It’s more about performance than genuine feeling.

Understanding this can help you recognize when someone’s friendliness might just be a façade hiding their manipulative tendencies.

Genuine kindness doesn’t feel forced or manipulative – it just feels natural and sincere. 

So if you ever feel like someone’s being overly charming, take a step back and consider their true intentions.

2) They’re always playing the victim

This is a behavior I’ve personally encountered more times than I’d like to admit.

I remember a former friend who always somehow managed to turn every situation into a story about him being the victim. Even when he was clearly in the wrong, he had an uncanny ability to twist the situation in his favor and make it seem like he was the one being wronged.

It took me a while to realize what was happening. His ability to play the victim was so convincing that I often found myself sympathizing with him, even when my gut told me something was off.

But as time went on, I began to see the pattern.

Whenever he was confronted or called out, he’d immediately shift into victim mode, effectively derailing the conversation and avoiding taking responsibility for his actions.

This is a classic manipulative tactic – playing the victim to gain sympathy and control. 

3) They use guilt to control others

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulative people know how to use it to their advantage. They often create situations to make you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Psychologists call this “guilt tripping” – a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone else feel guilty to control or manipulate them. 

It’s a common tactic used by people who appear friendly on the surface but are actually manipulative underneath.

The key here is to recognize when you’re being guilt-tripped. If someone is constantly making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault, they might be using your emotions against you. 

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries – it’s your right to do so.

4) They’re never wrong

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of being human. But manipulative people? They’ll do everything in their power to avoid admitting they’re wrong.

These individuals often have an inflated sense of their own perfection. They’ll twist facts, change the subject, or even blame others to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

This behavior isn’t just frustrating; it’s also a red flag. If a person can’t admit when they’re wrong, it’s likely they aren’t interested in growth or accountability. 

Instead, they are focused on maintaining control and avoiding any damage to their self-image.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who never seems to be at fault, remember: it’s not your responsibility to protect their ego.

It’s okay to call them out and hold them accountable for their actions.

5) They’re masters of backhanded compliments

A compliment is meant to make you feel good, right? But with manipulative people, even words of praise can leave you feeling unsettled.

These individuals are skilled at delivering backhanded compliments – remarks that appear to be compliments on the surface but carry a negative or sarcastic undertone.

It’s their way of putting you down while maintaining the guise of friendliness.

For instance, they might say something like, “You’re so brave for wearing that outfit. I could never pull it off.”

On the surface, it sounds like a compliment, but the underlying message is that your outfit is somehow wrong or inappropriate.

If you notice someone regularly giving backhanded compliments, it’s worth considering whether their friendliness is genuine or just a cover for their manipulative behavior.

6) They’re always taking, never giving

Relationships are about give and take. But with manipulative people, it often feels like you’re the only one giving.

I’ve seen so many kind-hearted individuals get caught up in these one-sided relationships.

They give their time, energy, and resources, only to receive empty promises and excuses in return.

Manipulative people are experts at taking advantage of others’ kindness. They’ll make you feel special and appreciated, but when it comes time for them to reciprocate, they always seem to fall short.

7) They use your insecurities against you

Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: manipulative people have a knack for identifying your insecurities and using them as a weapon.

I once knew a guy who seemed to know exactly what to say to make me doubt myself. He’d bring up my insecurities in subtle ways, under the guise of ‘helping’ me. 

But in reality, he was using them to keep me off balance and under his control.

This is a common strategy among manipulators. They prey on your insecurities to make you feel less confident and more dependent on their approval.

8) They’re always changing the narrative

Consistency is not a strong suit for manipulative people. They often change the narrative to fit their needs, even if it contradicts what they’ve previously said or done.

One day, they might praise you for something, and the next day, criticize you for the same thing. This inconsistency leaves you feeling confused and unsure of where you stand.

This behavior is a tactic to keep you off balance. By constantly changing the narrative, they prevent you from feeling secure in your relationship, making it easier for them to control and manipulate you.

So if someone’s words and actions seem to constantly contradict each other, take note. It could be a sign of underlying manipulation.

9) Their actions don’t match their words

If there’s one crucial thing to remember, it’s this: actions speak louder than words. Manipulative people often say all the right things, but when it comes to actually following through, they fall short.

They might promise to change, to be better, but their actions tell a different story. They continue the same manipulative behaviors, regardless of the impact on others.

This discrepancy between words and actions is a major red flag. It’s easy to believe promises and sweet words, but if they’re not backed up by corresponding actions, they’re empty.

Always pay attention to a person’s actions over their words. It’s the most accurate reflection of who they really are.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness

Understanding human behavior is a complex endeavor, with many layers of motivations, influences, and manifestations to consider.

One key element that often emerges when dealing with manipulative individuals is the lack of self-awareness. This lack can sometimes fuel their manipulative tendencies, as they remain oblivious to the impact of their actions on others.

Dr. George K. Simon, a renowned psychologist specializing in manipulative behavior, asserts that manipulators often lack empathy and insight into others’ feelings.

Their focus is primarily on their goals and needs, making it easier for them to disregard the feelings and well-being of others.

Recognizing these behaviors in others is crucial, but equally important is developing self-awareness about our own actions and reactions. 

Understanding our susceptibilities and boundaries can help us navigate relationships with manipulative individuals more effectively.

At the end of the day, no one deserves to be subject to manipulation. 

By arming ourselves with knowledge and self-awareness, we can create healthier interactions and protect ourselves from those who might seek to manipulate us.

Expert Editor