In what economists are calling “the most unexpected real estate deal of the century,” Lagos, Nigeria, has officially acquired Lagos, Portugal, citing a strategic desire to “own all Lagoses worldwide.”
The government of Nigeria welcomes its newest addition, Lagos, as its new foreign landmass in a bold acquisition signed jointly by the government of Portugal and Nigerian Prince. The acquisition was made in the sum of $167 Million Naira when the Nigerian Prince made an e-mail offer to the Portuguese President.
“Our friends helped build this city a few hundred years ago and we are happy to finally reunite with our brothers! Also, I am passing away soon and would like to give you $167,000,000 million dollars by Western Union.”
Said the Prince of Nigeria in a leaked e-mail.
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The Nigerian Prince has declared an immediate ban on all ceremonies, tarot cards, and German hippies, citing a strict No-Witchcraft policy.
“We were tired of the confusion”
The deal, dubbed “Operation Double Lagos,” was reportedly sealed over a WhatsApp call after both cities’ mayors realised they were constantly being tagged in each other’s social media posts.
For years, Lagos, Nigeria, and Lagos, Portugal, have coexisted in a state of perpetual mistaken identity. Tourists have booked the wrong flights, businesses have shipped goods to the wrong continent, and at least one honeymooning couple spent two weeks in the “wrong Lagos” without realising it.
Portugal quotes the move as part of its new financial & cultural strategy.
“We’re tired of being mistaken as Lagos in Nigeria, so now it will actually be correct when people assume this!” says excited local Dom Henrique.
New Name Debates: Lagos Classic vs. Lagos Deluxe?
Now that the acquisition is official, the question remains: what to call the two Lagoses? Nigerian officials originally suggested “Lagos Classic” for the original and “Lagos Deluxe” for the Portuguese version, but this was met with resistance from Portugal. Other suggestions include “Lagos Naija” and “Lagos Euro,” or simply renaming them “Not That Lagos” and “The Other Lagos”.
Immediate landscaping projects are to begin in order to terraform the newly acquired city in the shape of the old one.
Portugal to implement new cultural strategy
Insider rumours suggest the government of Portugal is due to sell Setubal to the municipal government of Rio de Janieiro – supposedly in an effort to clean up the district and target its growing crime issue.
“It is better that we didn’t have the statistics of Setúbal interfering with the rest of the country, so it’s easier to sell it off like a broken Fiat Punto”
Says mayor of Lisbon, Vasco de Gama
Speculation hints at the possible rebranding of the district, with several possible new names:
“Setúbal de Janeiro”
“Copacabana Europe”
“Rio de Super Bock”
A local official from the Portuguese district admits that “their crime situation has made us quite jealous and we aspire to learn from the best.”
“We honestly thought Setúbal was just a summer home for Rio,” admitted a local Portuguese resident.
With the rapid onset of changes to the Western Balkan nation of Portugal, one must wonder about the future of its territories.
As the keys to Lagos city hall are being transferred over to Nigeria, the Prime Minister of Wales voiced his aspirations to annex Serra da Estrela for its sheep populations, cheese, and knit wool socks.
