There’s an old saying that goes, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” I think this is as true today as it was centuries ago. The people we surround ourselves with, the relationships we cultivate, significantly influence our lives.
The problem is, not all relationships serve our highest good. Sometimes, we could be attracting the wrong kind of people into our lives.
Making conscious changes in our actions can shift the dynamics of our relationships and attract those who resonate with our true self. Letting go of certain behaviors is part of this transformative process.
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In this article, we will explore nine behaviors to let go of if you want to start attracting the right people into your life.
Let’s get started.
1) Living inauthentically
Embracing authenticity is key to attracting the right people into your life. This requires a commitment to living in alignment with your true self.
However, many of us fall into the trap of living inauthentically, often due to a desire to conform to societal expectations.
So we might behave in inauthentic ways, such as:
- Pretending to enjoy activities that we don’t
- Suppressing our true feelings
- Constantly changing our opinions to match those around you
While these behaviors might seem harmless, they can prevent authentic connections from forming.
The individuals you attract in this state are drawn to a version of you that isn’t truly you. They connect with the facade you’ve put up, not with your authentic self.
The result? Unfulfilling relationships that lack depth and genuine understanding.
Letting go of inauthenticity requires courage and self-awareness. Embrace who you truly are and express it without fear of judgment or rejection.
When you choose to live authentically, you send out a signal that attracts people who appreciate and resonate with your true self.
2) Holding onto past resentments
As a life-long learner, I’ve come to realize the immense weight that past resentments can place on our present lives.
Holding onto grudges or dwelling in past hurt can prevent us from attracting positive, nurturing relationships. In the words of Nelson Mandela, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
Resentment is like a wall we build around ourselves, believing it will protect us from future harm.
But in reality, it only isolates us and blocks our growth. It can make us suspicious, closed off and unapproachable. This energy invariably repels the right people we might want in our lives.
Letting go of resentment doesn’t mean ignoring the hurt or denying the wrong. It’s about acknowledging it, learning from it, and then choosing to move forward without letting it control our present.
As I’ve worked on releasing my own resentments, I’ve found a palpable shift in the people I attract and the quality of relationships I form.
3) Clinging to the illusion of happiness
The pursuit of happiness is a common theme in our society. We’re constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we should be happy, and if we’re not, there’s something wrong with us.
This belief can lead us into a happiness trap, where we’re constantly chasing an elusive state of bliss and inadvertently repelling people who could potentially add real value to our lives.
Truth is, life is a spectrum of emotions. By trying to avoid discomfort or hardship and only seeking out happiness, we limit our ability to grow and attract authentic relationships.
It’s through embracing life’s challenges and fostering meaningful relationships that true contentment comes. And once you reach this state, you’ll begin attracting people who share this same philosophy.
In my video titled “The Illusion of Happiness – Why Chasing It Makes You Miserable”, I delve deeper into this topic, challenging the common belief that pursuing happiness is the key to a fulfilling life.
It might provide you valuable insights on how to attract the right people by embracing authenticity.
If you find these insights valuable and want to join 20,000 others in exploring living a life with more purpose and freedom, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel here.
4) Ignoring personal responsibility
One of the most challenging yet transformative behaviors to let go of is the tendency to ignore personal responsibility.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming external circumstances or other people for our problems. We often feel like victims, with life happening to us rather than for us.
However, this mindset breeds powerlessness and resentment, both of which can push away the right people from our lives. They sense our lack of ownership and find it difficult to connect on a deeper level.
True empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives. This doesn’t mean we control everything that happens to us.
Instead, it’s about focusing on what we can control – our attitudes, actions, and responses. When we own our decisions and their outcomes, we become more resilient and authentic.
5) Allowing fear to dictate decisions
Fear is a powerful emotion that can hold us captive, preventing us from living our lives authentically.
It can make us settle for less than we deserve, keep us stuck in unhealthy relationships, or stop us from pursuing our true passions.
The fear of rejection, failure, or judgment can influence our decisions and behaviors, often leading us to attract the wrong types of people.
First — those who are also led by fear, insecurity, or negativity.
And second –those who prey on the fearful.
But when you start shedding those fears and becoming more sure of yourself, you’ll start attracting a different, wonderful kind — the ones who appreciate and support growth.
These are the people who thrive on positivity and contribute to a healthy, uplifting relationship.
6) Chasing perfection
Perfectionism is often seen as an admirable trait. It’s associated with high standards, attention to detail, and relentless drive.
The pursuit of perfection can lead to an exhausting cycle of never feeling good enough and constantly striving for more. It can make us judgmental of ourselves and others, creating barriers to authentic connection.
The truth is, there’s no such thing as perfect. We are all beautifully flawed individuals with our strengths and weaknesses. It’s these imperfections that make us human, that make us unique, and that allow us to connect with others on a deeper level.
Embracing our flaws and letting go of the need for perfection allows us to live more authentically. It invites compassion, empathy, and acceptance into our lives – qualities that attract the right people who appreciate us for who we truly are.
As we release the need for perfection, we create space for growth, creativity, and meaningful connections. We attract those who value authenticity over perfection and who celebrate the beauty of imperfection.
7) Overvaluing material wealth
In a society that often equates success with wealth, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overvaluing material possessions.
We may believe that the more we have, the more successful we are, and hence, the more attractive we become to others. But that’s not necessarily true.
When our focus is primarily on accumulating wealth, we may overlook the importance of shared values, personal growth, and authentic relationships. The people we attract may be more interested in our financial status than in who we are as individuals.
Prosperity is about more than just financial wealth. It’s about aligning our financial decisions with our deepest values and using money as a tool for positive change.
When we shift our perspective on prosperity, we begin to attract people who resonate with our values and purpose in life. People who don’t really look at how well-off or wealthy you are. People who value substance over surface, and character over wealth.
That’s a lot more meaningful than hanging out with superficial people obsessed with the trappings of success.
8) Neglecting self-care
Self-care is often misunderstood and overlooked in our busy lives. We may believe it’s selfish or indulgent to prioritize our needs.
Yet neglecting self-care can lead us to become exhausted, stressed, or resentful, which can repel the right people from our lives.
When we neglect our well-being, it affects how we show up in the world. It may cause us to be less patient, less present, or less compassionate – qualities that can push away individuals who could add value to our lives.
Practicing self-care, first and foremost, is an act of self-respect. It communicates to others that we value ourselves and that we understand the importance of balance and wellness in life.
That’s instantly attractive to those who also value their well-being and appreciate the importance of balance in life. These are the individuals who can support us, grow with us, and contribute positively to our life journey.
9) Staying within your comfort zone
It’s no secret that the comfort zone is a place where growth is limited. And if you never venture out of it, the only people you’ll attract are the ones who don’t really push themselves.
The right people — the ones who love learning new things and are committed to personal growth — will get the message that you’re not open to new ideas or experiences, and move on.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone might be scary at first. But remember, every step you take is an opportunity for growth and for attracting the right people into your life.
Final thoughts
I’ve always believed that to attract the right kind of people, you need to be the right kind of person yourself.
When you work on being your best self, you end up drawing in folks who are on the same wavelength. It’s kind of a win-win because you improve yourself and meet awesome people along the way.
And what exactly does being the “right kind of person” mean? Simply this — being authentic and committed to growing and learning new things.
If you’ve found value in this exploration and want to join 20,000 others in exploring living a life with more purpose and freedom, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel here. Let’s continue this journey together.
