7 important differences between loving someone and being in love

Loving someone can be a beautiful, warm feeling, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in love.

Being in love, however, is like diving into the deep end. It’s a whirlwind of emotion that consumes you completely.

Understanding this difference can enrich your relationships and help you navigate your feelings.

In the following article, I’ll share 7 key differences between loving someone and being in love.

Let’s explore these nuances together.

1) Depth of emotion

When it comes to love, the ocean makes for a perfect metaphor.

Consider loving someone as floating on the surface. It’s peaceful, calm, and you can enjoy the pleasant sensation of the sun on your skin.

But being in love? That’s like plunging into the depths. It’s intense and all-consuming, like being swept away by a current.

Loving someone can be a comfortable, steady affection. You care for them deeply, but it doesn’t necessarily shake your world.

Being in love, on the other hand, is a whirlwind. It’s a fervent passion that can leave you breathless, as if you’re constantly being pulled under by a powerful wave.

2) Duration of feelings

Let me share a personal experience with you.

I’ve loved many people in my life – friends, family, even pets. That love is enduring and strong. It doesn’t fade away easily, if at all.

But when I fell in love? Well, that was an entirely different story.

I remember the first time I fell in love. It was like being caught in a storm. The feelings were so intense, so consuming, they were all I could think about. But storms, as we know, don’t last forever.

As the relationship progressed and the “honeymoon phase” ended, that intense infatuation started to fade. But this didn’t mean I stopped loving them. In fact, my feelings deepened into a more comfortable, steady love.

3) Selflessness versus possessiveness

Here’s something intriguing. According to psychologists, when you love someone, you’re more likely to be selfless towards them. You put their needs before your own, and their happiness is your priority.

Contrarily, when you’re in love, it’s common to experience feelings of possessiveness. You might find yourself wanting to ‘claim’ the person because the thought of them being with someone else is unbearable.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it’s just part of the intense emotional cocktail that comes with being in love.

It’s important to note that balance is crucial here. Too much selflessness can lead to neglecting your own needs, while too much possessiveness can smother the other person. Love is about finding a healthy equilibrium between the two.

4) Fear and security

When you love someone, it often comes with a sense of security. You feel safe, both emotionally and physically. There’s a sense of steadiness that comes with this kind of love, like you’re anchored in a harbor.

Being in love, on the other hand, can sometimes feel like being on a roller coaster. The highs are incredible but the lows can be terrifying. There’s an element of fear in being in love – the fear of losing the person, the fear of getting hurt, the fear of vulnerability.

It’s important to remember that both these types of love have their own beauty and challenges. One isn’t superior to the other, they’re just different aspects of this complex emotion we call love.

5) Acceptance and idealization

When I look back at the early stages of my relationships, I realize how easily I’d gloss over any flaws or shortcomings the other person had. It was like I had rose-colored glasses on. That’s the power of being in love – it often involves idealizing the person, seeing them as perfect or near-perfect.

But as time goes on, that idealization typically fades, and you start to see the person for who they truly are, imperfections and all. And that’s when you’re faced with a choice – to accept those imperfections or not.

In my experience, loving someone means accepting them for who they are, flaws included. It’s about understanding that nobody is perfect and choosing to love them anyway.

Being in love might mean seeing someone through an idealized lens, but loving someone is about acceptance and embracing their true self.

6) Dependency and independence

When you’re in love, there’s often a sense of dependency that comes along with it. You might find yourself constantly thinking about the person, craving their presence, and feeling incomplete without them. This can be an exhilarating feeling, but it can also be quite overwhelming.

On the other hand, loving someone doesn’t necessarily involve such dependency. You cherish the person deeply and enjoy their company, but you’re also comfortable with your own solitude. You understand that you’re two independent individuals who choose to be together, not two halves trying to make a whole.

While being in love can often feel like you’re emotionally tied to the person, loving someone is about appreciating them without losing your sense of self.

7) Temporary versus everlasting

The most crucial thing to understand is that being in love is often a temporary phase. It’s the butterflies in the stomach, the racing heart, the obsessive thoughts. It’s intense and passionate, but it usually doesn’t last forever.

Loving someone, on the other hand, is more likely to stand the test of time. It’s a deep affection that persists through ups and downs, through joys and sorrows. It’s not just about feeling good; it’s about wanting good for the other person.

Final reflection: The complexity of love

Psychologists suggest that the brain releases a cocktail of hormones when we’re in love, including dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline. These hormones create the euphoria, elation, and obsession often associated with being in love.

On the other hand, long-term love, where we deeply care for someone and their well-being, often involves the hormone oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding hormone’. This hormone creates feelings of comfort, safety, and attachment.

Whether it’s the exhilarating rush of being in love or the steady warmth of loving someone, our biochemistry plays a significant role in shaping our experiences.

So as you navigate your relationships and feelings, remember that love is not a one-size-fits-all emotion. It’s a complex tapestry woven from various threads – passion and tranquility, obsession and comfort, fear and security. And understanding these different shades can help us appreciate this incredible emotion in all its complexity.

Geediting