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By Olamide Fred-Ahmadu

People frequently mention that they desire to be married so they can engage in copious amounts of sex.

As the majority of people who are married would attest, the sex is not as intense or amazing as when they first start dating.

There is a great deal of sexual energy to release when a new relationship starts. There is a desire to discover more about one another and to examine one other’s physique.

Up until the law of diminishing marginal utility takes effect, the desire is at its height. According to the law of diminishing marginal utility, satisfaction declines as consumption rises.

Why does the frequency of sex decrease?


There are many reasons why sex can decline in a relationship.

Work and stress

Work can get so busy many couples can forget to make love. Plus, between running errands and taking care of kids, sometimes all they want is a good night’s rest.


Someone has pulled out of the relationship

When a party is no longer interested in the relationship, sex is off the table and even when it is done, it feels different and passionless.

Unresolved anger and resentment

If you’re harbouring resentment towards one another, you are less likely to be intimate. Open communication and letting each other know what’s gone wrong and how both of you can mend the relationship is a good first step.


One person isn’t enjoying sex

If the sex is consistently bad, then don’t expect your partner to be happy at the chance to have sex with you.

Health reasons

Perhaps one of you is recovering from surgery, is sick or just gave birth that can bring a pause to your sex life.

Someone is having an affair

No one likes to admit it, but if your partner is cheating on you, the sex might not be the same, and their attention is divided.

Interestingly, it might also mean more frequent sex as over-compensation for cheating.


How to revive the spark

Talk about why the sex isn’t good anymore.


Plan a getaway. Schedule time away from the kids and work as often as you can.

Give each other a lot of kisses, and hugs, hold hands, cuddle and touch each other as often as possible.

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Have sex even when you don’t feel like it. Put sex in your schedule, once you start you would begin to enjoy it

Deal with whatever issue is causing distrust and resentment. Don’t just talk about it, work on it.


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