Science says marrying the right person can make you richer and more successful. But would it make you Healthier.

Clearly, someone worth $142 billion — and that’s “just” what’s left after Warren Buffett has donated about $56 billion to charities — knows how to make smart business decisions. But where you spend time also matters; as Jim Rohn says, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

You want to associate with people who are the kind of person you’d like to be. You’ll move in that direction. And the most important person by far in that respect is your spouse.

I can’t overemphasize how important that is. Marry the right person. I’m serious about that. It will make more difference in your life.

As with many of Buffett’s perspectives, data backs him up. A 2021 Census Bureau report found that married adults tend to earn substantially more than unmarried adults, and have three times the net worth. A 2021 Bureau of Labor Statistics survey found that married couples spend about $10,000 less per person (I thought this number would be higher) than unmarried people.

Having a partner matters, but whom you partner with also matters. A Washington University in St. Louis study that I’ve written about before showed people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earn more promotions, make more money, and — just as important — feel more satisfied with their jobs.

What the researchers call “partner conscientiousness” predicts future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in each participant’s “conscientiousness” level. (If you’re wondering, “conscientious” partners were those who performed more household tasks, exhibited more pragmatic behaviors that their spouses were likely to emulate, and promoted a more satisfying home life.)

That takes us back to Buffett and Rohn. Good habits tend to rub off. If one person is organized and effective, that frees the other person up to focus more on work. Better yet, if the less organized person becomes more organized via the example their partner sets, then both can better focus on business.

Which makes it more likely married people will earn more money, and build greater wealth.

But they won’t necessarily be healthier. A study published in the Journal of Physical Activity and Health found that people in romantic relationships work out less than people who are single, especially where moderate to vigorous physical activity — running, lifting weights, cycling, etc. — is concerned.

The “why” seems obvious. Become a couple and you’re more likely to do couples things: eat meals together, watch TV together, hang out together. “Let’s go for a run” is much less likely to top the list, even if you were a serious runner before you became a couple.

As the researchers write:

For those with a partner, current (exercise) levels are substantially lower when the partner is present than when the partner is absent. When partners spend leisure-time activities apart, their (exercise) levels are higher than those of individuals without a partner.

The results suggest that it is not the mere existence of a romantic relationship but the current co-presence with a partner that affects physical activity behavior.

In short, spending time together means you’re a lot less likely to exercise. (Hi, Captain Obvious!)

And then there’s this. A study published in Health Psychology found that after four years in a stable relationship, people tend to gain significantly more weight than they would from the natural result of aging, and a Social Science & Medicine study found that people in a long-term relationship are more likely to gain weight and less likely to exercise. (The study also notes, again à la Captain Obvious, that when a relationship ends people tend to lose weight, and start exercising more.)

Makes sense. Going on a three-hour bike ride doesn’t sound like couples time. Nor does an 80-percent-of-max-heart-rate run. Sure, you’re together, but only in proximity. The researchers also speculate (although it’s hardly a reach) that feeling secure in a relationship tends to cause people to focus less on their appearance, and therefore on healthy behaviors — like eating healthy and exercising — that affect appearance.

This leads us back to not just being married, or in a committed relationship, but also to whom you choose to spend your life with. For example, exercise isn’t a luxury or an afterthought:

• Research published in the Journal of Comparative Physiology shows that increased blood flow also improves brain plasticity and enhances the functional aspects of parts of the brain involved in cognition. As the researchers write, “More active or higher fit individuals are capable of allocating greater attentional resources toward the environment and are able to process information more quickly.”
• Research published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Science shows exercise can increase the size of your hippocampus, even in your 60s and 70s, mitigating the impact of age-related memory loss.
• Researchers at the University of Vermont found that aerobic training of “moderate intensity” improved participants’ mood for up to 12 hours after exercise.
• A study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that exercise makes you happier overall. Participants with high and moderate activity levels had significantly higher life satisfaction and happiness.

And that’s just the result of regular exercise; you don’t need research to know that eating healthy, and maintaining a reasonable body weight, will make you healthier.

None of this means you should choose your life partner on the basis of how conscientious they are, or whether you think they not only eat well and exercise but will continue to eat well and exercise. To paraphrase the University of Washington in St. Louis researchers, marrying a conscientious partner could sound like a recipe for a rigid and lackluster lifestyle.

But it does appear that having a conscientious and prudent partner — both in a practical sense and in a healthy lifestyle sense — is an ingredient in the recipe for a better, more rewarding career, and for a healthier and longer life.

So what should you do? Instead of expecting your partner to change some of their habits, think about what you can do to be more supportive of them. In a practical sense, maybe you can take on managing your finances, or take care of more household chores, or repairs, maintenance, or schedules. After all, the best way to lead is by example.

Maybe you can also make exercising together a priority. Maybe you can make eating a little better a priority. My wife and I work out together most of the time; we don’t do the same things, but we are in the same room. That helps both of us stay on track (a little implicit peer pressure goes a long way), and it still feels like we’re doing something together.

Because that’s the real key. Marrying the right person helps, but being the right person — being supportive, encouraging, and leading by example — is the best way to help your marriage be successful, both practically and, more important, emotionally.

INC