- Therapist Jamie Mahler from California has revealed the signs of a toxic person
- She revealed that she once used to be toxic before healing herself
- Jamie said toxic people are passive-aggressive and seek constant validation
A therapist has revealed the three signs that you may be a toxic person – noting that it’s never too late to change your behavior and treat others better.
Jamie Mahler is a therapist based in Los Angeles, California, who helps people heal themselves and learn how to cultivate relationships.
The expert has admitted that she was once a toxic person, but has since used her teachings to recognize her unhealthy patterns and become a kinder person.
Now, she has detailed how being passive-aggressive, seeking constant validation, and staying in unhealthy friendships can all point to you being the problem.
Be direct! If you are passive-aggressive in friendships and relationships, it may be time to change
The therapist revealed she didn’t realize she was toxic until she was visiting a former boyfriend’s family and was shocked by how caring they all were to each other.
Speaking to Insider, she said: ‘I genuinely remember thinking, “This isn’t fake? You actually care and treat each other like this?”‘
After that moment, Jamie knew she needed to make a change. She began reflecting on her toxic traits and even went to graduate school for therapy.
She said that while reflecting she recalled how her family would frequently make passive-aggressive comments.
The therapist explained that because she was so used to this behavior growing up, she would do it in her romantic relationships as well.
She told the outlet that when she wanted her partner to get her a glass of water, instead of asking for a cup, she would say: ‘My God, it would be so nice to not be thirsty right now.
‘Like, it would be so great if someone just paid attention to their partner’s needs.’
Jamie noted that after seeing her former partner’s family be so kind and going to graduate school, she recognized her own faults.
She has since begun asking her partners and others in her life for things in a direct manner, which the therapist notes is a much healthier approach.
Improve your self-worth! Seeking constant validation could mean you’re toxic
The next sign you may be toxic is if you are constantly seeking validation, the therapist said.
She noted that prior to healing herself she would often place unrealistic expectations when it came to giving her compliments and words of affirmation.
Jamie said that she always expected her partner to pull her out of a negative state and fully relied on them.
And if that didn’t happen, she would become upset.
After recognizing this behavior, Jamie began focusing on improving her own perspective of herself.
She stopped projecting her wounds and learned to heal her insecurities by working with a therapist.
Now, Jamie said she has found the perfect balance to being independent and asking others for help or affirmation.
She told Insider: ‘The purpose of a relationship isn’t to use each other. It’s to honor and celebrate each other.’
As a part of healing herself, Jamie reflected on the various relationships in her life – including the friendships that left her feeling unworthy (stock image)
As a part of healing herself, Jamie reflected on the various relationships in her life – including the friendships that left her feeling unworthy.
She explained that staying in friendships that don’t fulfill you, can point to you being toxic.
The therapist said that in her previous friendships, the two pals would often gossip and had no clue how to place boundaries, causing them to get into frequent arguments.
She gave the outlet an example of her behavior at the time.
She noted that if one friend in her group of pals spent one-on-one time with another friend, she would blow up and suggest the two were being rude.
However, she said that she really just felt left out and wanted to put herself in control.
Jamie explained to fix this she began being more open and honest with herself about which friendships she truly valued.
She added that she focused on the friendships that met her expectations.
Daily Mail
