How Self-Love Shapes the Way You Love Others, By Mobolaji Oluwakayode

We are all familiar with the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. This is true because you cannot truly and sustainably love others unless you first love yourself. When you love yourself, you’re more likely to believe that you deserve all the love and compassion others give you. Loving yourself helps in shaping how you think about others and how happy you are when you hear good news about a person. Loving yourself will make you feel more secure and less likely to be envious when others succeed.

Self-love is not conceited or self-centered; rather, it is the cornerstone of compassion, empathy, and sincere interpersonal relationships. Your relationships will naturally radiate the same energy when you value and accept who you are because you really can’t pour into others what you don’t have.

How Loving Oneself Affects Loving Others

Self-love makes you believe what real love is. You learn to be nice, kind, patient, and respectful to yourself when you practise self-love. You begin to speak to yourself with compassion instead of harshness. Treating yourself with all of these attributes, will make you expect and give kindness to others as well.

When you love yourself, you will naturally recognise your value and set a standard that will prevent you from settling for less, even if you are in a relationship and you observe someone is mistreating you. When you love yourself, you don’t need to feel bad about other people’s happiness; it makes you act genuinely towards them and also celebrate their success without feeling threatened.

With Self-love, You Have Empathy and Compassion for Others

You become more understanding, gentle, and compassionate toward others. Compassion for others, even in difficult circumstances, stems from self-love. Self-love leads you to believe that everyone, including yourself, makes mistakes and that you can be as patient with others as you are with yourself. It also encourages you to be kind to others

With self-love, you are being reminded that everyone is learning and developing at the same rate as you are.  Loving yourself does not deprive others of love; rather, it multiplies it because when your heart is full of compassion for yourself, it naturally overflows into compassion for others.

Self-love Allows for Healthy Boundaries

You can set healthy boundaries and protect your peace with self-love. Protecting your peace does not mean you don’t love others or you like them less. It simply says you love yourself enough to know your limit and the things people do to you. When you have a strong sense of self-worth, you refuse to let others take advantage of you.

Also, you become more aware of other people’s boundaries and respect them, resulting in greater balance and mutual understanding in your relationships.

Self-love Makes Communication Better with Others

With self-love, you tend to speak with confidence among others by expressing yourself and your thoughts. You can speak openly without the fear of being judged, and the same applies when people are talking around you. With self-love, you tend not to use foul language on anybody, in the same way you don’t want them to say things that hurt your soul. You also listen better because you’re not constantly on the defensive.  Self-love gives you the ability to be honest with yourself and with others.

Self-love Promotes Forgiveness

To forgive others, you must first forgive and love yourself. Self-love allows you to forgive yourself for your mistakes, and that forgiveness naturally extends to others. Self-love leads to a better understanding of others and the realisation that no one is perfect. Mistakes occur between couples, friends, and even family members. To forgive is not a justification for bad or resentful behaviour, but rather a decision to put peace above resentment. This can only be genuinely given by someone who has self-compassion.

Conclusion

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Self-love is not thinking about yourself alone; it’s also about you having to think carefully about how others feel when in a certain position or going through stuff. Self-love is the first step in loving others better because how you treat yourself inevitably influences how you treat others. When you truly love yourself, you become a better friend, partner, parent, and person to others.