Communication requires being intentional about the way you relate with your spouse during minor and major conversations. It can be subtle, so it is important that you observe and discover how it affects how you both understand each other.
Sometimes, you are both sincere and wish to just have a proper conversation but how you say it, what you are thinking, how you read the meaning, how you respond, and how you receive what you are both discussing matters a lot.
Communication is 7% of words, 55% of physiology, and 38% of tonality. If that is the case, the words you are saying is more about how you say it than what you are saying.
Sometimes, your posture is showcasing pride or dishonor and sometimes, you are too opinionated, hence it is important to humble yourself and observe how your communication flow and what leads to constant arguments. Here are a few patterns you should take note of:
1. Creating assumptions based on the actions of your spouse without seeking clarity.
While you may have your guesses, it is still better to ask questions, listen and understand so as to avoid unnecessary conflict. While your mind may have thought about so many things, still take your time to listen to your partner. If you feel that your partner is lying or never says the truth, it is still important to listen and choose how you respond.
2. Jumping into conclusions during a conversation because you feel your thoughts are more correct.
We are most times guilty of this, but I have realised that listening is a skill that we need to thrive in marriage and every relationship we have. Assumptions are what lead to conclusions. So, it is important to listen and connect.
3. Judging your partner with a past perception when they are working on themselves.
The fact that you live and engage with your partner can make you give up on the idea that your partner can become a better version of themselves.
Rather than stick to a past version you have, watch out for the progressive actions from your partner and complement it. This would encourage your partner that you see and notice their growth.
4. Speaking to your partner with contempt. Contempt is speaking down on your partner from a place of irritation and dishonor. No matter how angry you get, it is important to speak to your partner with respect. Every individual wants to be respected.
5. Becoming defensive before you understand the intentions of your partner. If you see every correction or feedback as an attack, you will not be able to build a connection with your partner. Though, some partners are very critical, and you may need to discuss this when things are calm but listening will help you reduce the defensiveness.
If you feel like your relationship with your partner is getting sour based on your communication challenges, I recommend you have a coaching session and upgrade your relationship or marriage. Send me an email to hello@nikefolagbade.com
