Excesses of mature single ladies

By Chukwuneta Oby

About three months after they were introduced, she said she was pregnant and he was acting funny about it. So, I asked to speak with him. From his response, he was not ready for the “baby phase” of the relationship.

I also perceived that he hasn’t even decided if she’s actually the one for him. According to him, she had issues with the part of town he lived in and was always nagging for him to move into a posh part of town.

He also said that she had issues with the car he drove, as well as how he dressed. The only thing she didn’t seem to have issues with was probably how he was doing the DO in the other room!

She might think she was encouraging him to dream big but what she was actually doing was taking over his life. And the average man that is worth his onion resents that very much.

When you meet someone who is doing life at their own pace, it’s either you decide they are not for you, because you prefer someone on the same page with you or you accept where they are and find subtle ways to motivate them.

Motivation or encouragement is not automatically becoming their Automated Teller Machine, please. And I think this is where a lot of mature single ladies also get it wrong.

They are often in a hurry to bring him up to par. And that they do by throwing money at the situation. But, it’s often a mistake because you are not giving him breathing space in that relationship. He has not even had time to envisage a future with you. Yet, your money (and not compatibility) is speaking louder!

Some of them may not complain because your money is still speaking to their economic challenges but deep down, whatever they have with you feels like prison and once they find a way out…they bolt.

A brother once told me about a big lady that kept him in Abuja. According to him, she would even have her police escort go to the malls with him. When he steps out of the house while she is at work, she calls him immediately because her security man at the gate has given her a tip-off.

He said he only found an excuse to escape for good when his mum died and he needed to travel to the village for the burial. After his mum’s burial, he decided to relocate to another part of the country and start from scratch. That was how he closed that chapter for good.

Dear Mature Single Lady, That you need a man doesn’t mean you should go for one at all cost. It is not in your best interest that you are involved with a man who feels like a prisoner in your space. It is not in your best interest that you are involved with a man who is not emotionally invested in you. It is not in your best interest that you are involved with a man who isn’t even proud of what he has with you. It’s not in your best interest that money is the only reason he is still with you. It’s not in your best interest that they act so entitled they don’t lift a finger to make sacrifices for you.

There are relationships or marriages that being ‘happily single’ are far better than. The problem is letting desperation be on the driver’s seat once you meet a man. Otherwise, things don’t always have to get out of hand or leave you scarred before you realise he is not good for you.

With another human being, let reality (and not your desire) guide your actions, please. A little bit of being realistic ensures there will be less “men are scum” tales of woe!