Sex is Not Strategy, By Oreva Godwin

The question today is simple: can good sex keep a partner? I know your brow is rising, your fingers are anticipating, your heart beating fast for an answer. Can good sex truly keep someone by your side?

In my honest opinion, the answer is both yes and no. Why? Because as humans, we eventually realize there is more to life than sex. At the beginning, it’s intoxicating. You crave it, replay it in your mind, and long for more. Good sex can make you unleash another side of you that was hidden.

Sometimes I ask myself, what is it about this act that enslaves so many? The dirty talk, the positions, the oral pleasure; it is mind-blowing when your fantasies and fetishes are fulfilled. Some people even spill their deepest secrets mid-act, promising heaven and earth. Some earn the ring through sex.

But the real question is: does it last? How long can pleasure alone sustain a bond? How long before the human insatiable nature seeks more than just orgasms?

Can I, Oreva Godwin, be with a man only because of good sex? No. After the fireworks, then what next? Good sex does not develop me as a person. It does not pay my bills. It does not build my future. It only satisfies the flesh, and I have groomed myself not to be a slave to the flesh. I know how to separate fun from my reality.

Funny enough, those who give the best sex often end up as one-night stands, side chicks, or exes. But I am not here to judge people who put sex first. It is their choice. The question is, if you married your partner solely because they are good in bed, did it stop you from cheating?

Mercy is a young lady in her late twenties. She met Bola, a sex god. It turned out that Mercy is sexually open-minded. They met and had mind-blowing sex: bondage sex, master and slave sex, costume play, etc. The sex was amazing.

For Mercy, he was the first man who let her be her true self sexually. No judgment, just pure pleasure. They were two open-minded people ready to try new things sexually.

As for Bola, she was his everything. The sex was intense. He had never had such amazing blow jobs ever. She did crazy things to him. She was very satisfying in bed and an independent woman. He was really into her.

Concerns however set in when Mercy noticed he was stingy in spite of his wealth. She practically needed to quarrel before he gave her money for basic things. It was sickening for her. She was always planning to end the relationship, but the sex drew her back to Bola.

After six months, she called herself to order. Online, she was the envy of many ladies, with the mindset that she was on top of the world. He spent money on expensive restaurant dates. He was known to be a giver by people, but those up close knew the real Bola.

Mercy had a wake-up call. She realized aside sex, there was no joy. No support, no added value, just hypocrisy. Watching him give to strangers more than the amount she had begged him for weeks, made her cringe. She ended the relationship and faced reality.

Otunba was happily married, so he thought. One day, while driving, he spotted a lady with a back side that could shake a nation. He could not let such an asset pass him by. So he stopped and gave her a ride.

Silver, being the bad girl, knew how powerful her banging body and her sex skills were. So she sought to get him. Otunba, being a man who was not sexually exposed and saw sex as just for stress relief and nothing else, soon found out that he had met a girl who taught him that good sex can enslave if one was not careful.

The first time Silver and Otunba had a sex appointment, she came with all her certificates to show him who the sex lord was. Otunba was about to climb on Silver, but she told him, “No, let me treat you like the king that you are.” She gave him a relaxation massage. After that, she gave him a mind-blowing oral sex that made him scream like a virgin having his first sex. This was strange to Otunba.

After the sex, he got back home, and he never remained the same. He could not take Silver off his mind. He got carried away to the extent that he got Silver pregnant. Silver threatened to keep the baby and insisted that if she aborted the pregnancy, she would leave him.

Otunba accepted the pregnancy and rented an apartment for her and also got her a car. He later had issues in his home because his wife was suspicious. But he later knew the real Silver. Spending quality time with her was hell. He realized how unproductive she was. Aside from the sex, there was no reasonable conversation.

He could not engage her in deep intellectual conversations. She was just a bimbo. He asked himself, “Is this what I would have lost my home for? Left my intelligent and productive wife that made me who I am for this?”

Since she was just two months plus gone, Otunba demanded that she terminate the pregnancy. He took her to his friend’s hospital and got rid of the baby. He settled her and left. He let her have the car too. They parted ways. To him, she was not worth the stress. He too old to sign up for a bimbo.

Amaka met Jerry. He liked her, but she was not interested. One day, she went out with him, and where they stood, Jerry brought out his manhood to pee, and naughty Amaka had to have a look at it. What she saw shocked her. She had to have a taste of him.

Sex with him was mind-blowing. The size of his manhood was mesmerizing, and he knew how to make good use of it. She saw herself turning into a dog—shamelessly craving his touch and a feel of him. He did things to her that no one had ever done.

Her friends always wondered what she saw in Jerry. To them, he was below average in looks and not financially stable. She constantly told them they would not understand. If only they knew what she truly saw in Jerry.

After one year of a relationship that offered sex that blurred her judgement, she realized their relationship had no direction. Jerry was a struggling man, and his efforts never looked promising. Amaka kept wondering when he would make it. Would he ever make it? She decided to double date.

Though her other boyfriend was not good in bed, she decided to keep Jerry as her secret sex toy. After double dating for a year, her other man proposed. She planned her marriage in secret.

She visited Jerry two days before her marriage to have what they call “one for the road.” She had all the rounds her body could take. Unknown to Jerry, it was goodbye sex. A week later, Jerry was left in shock to see online pictures showing that Amaka had married.

In reality, good sex is fun. Nobody can deny that. In fact, sex is the powerhouse of intimacy in a relationship or marriage. But it is not the only power source.

Commitment, intentionality, forgiveness, communication, kindness, understanding, generosity, value, compromise, and love are equally, if not more important.

Sex alone cannot keep a partner. It won’t educate your kids, grow your business, or represent you in society.

Yes, it’s important to learn to satisfy your partner. But do not rely on sex as the glue that holds your relationship together. It is a wrong strategy. Because at the end of the day, you might be good for fun, but when it comes to commitment, you may never be the option.

So do not brag about your sex skills. Brag about your value. At the end of the day, sex is not a strategy to keep a partner, value is the real opium.