Mr President, You Can Do This, Funke Egbemode

Nigeria, right now, is like an impotent man whose wife is being raped in his presence. He cannot cry out because that would show his helplessness. He cannot rescue his wife from the rampaging fingers of the intruder. His hut is no longer his hut. His wife is no longer his wife. Apart from his third leg that is withering and cringing, his pride and self-esteem are both in the mud. And because of all of those combined curses, when his warrior friend offered to help him kill the intruder in his compound, he was reluctant to accept the offer.

How will he look in the eyes of the whole village if he admits that he could not defend his homestead?

How will he look his warrior friend in the eye after he retrieves his wife for him?

Will anybody ever respect him after the rescue mission?

Will anybody ever see him as a man, a real man after the dust has settled?

What if his ‘warrior’ friend starts blackmailing him or even decides he also wants a taste of his wife? What would he do if his ‘friend’ refuses to leave or decides to annex his compound under the guise of keeping the enemy away?

Seriously, this impotent man’s fears are genuine. The warrior can actually develop a special taste for the woman in question. We cannot rule out the possibility of the soldier getting a glimpse of the fair thighs and full ‘chestal area’ of the wife being ravaged. Whatever is happening or has happened, the impotent man is still the husband of his wife and his ‘manhood’ is still at stake.

Well, our friend has kept silent for far too long. He has listened to the guffaw and grunts of a stranger licking his pot of soup. With reckless disregard. If he continues to do what he has always done, the rapist will eventually father children in his compound. Can you feel the distaste and disgust in your mouth? That is why Nigeria cannot continue to sit on his hands and expect a miracle or a different outcome. The killers that infiltrated our national compound must go, whatever it is going to cost. They have laughed to their dark hearts’ content each time we blamed Gaddafi’s men, politicians, thugs and even opposition and corruption for the nonsense they are doing. That is why they just steal more cows and kill more pregnant women. They know Nigeria won’t do anything but tell her citizens and the international community that the dastardly acts will stop because we are hot on the tail and trail of the killers and their sponsors. They just kill some more and watch us squirm impotently in one corner of the compound we built with our sweat.

Dear President Bola Tinubu, sadly, the lot has fallen on you to chase out this rapist in our bedchamber. You must do it. You can do it. You are not an impotent leader.

I arrived in Abuja on Monday excited to see my granddaughter. I had not seen her since August. I knew she would go to school everyday and our gist sessions would only be squeezed in in-between homework and an early dinner. Then her mother announced that Abuja schools were closing the term one week earlier. Katsina, Kebbi, Yobe, Niger, Bauchi, Taraba and Kwara states have all shut down schools because they could not guarantee the safety of students and staff. Proactive measures, they called it.

Now, Abuja schools are closing the term one week earlier than scheduled. Because of insecurity. This is Nigeria’s seat of government, the Federal Capital Territory and fear is palpable in the air. Some men in the forest, aided and abetted by some men on the corridors of power have over time established an empire of blood, pain and horror. They started in the North East and have steadily expanded their borders of fear all the way to Kwara State. As I was rounding off this piece, the bandits, according to reports, struck again in Kwara, this time in Isapa, near Eruku where they had just released those they abducted. And I am afraid, very afraid. See, Eruku is to me, not a town in Middle Belt Nigeria. To me and people of Osun State, Eruku is probably three hours from Osogbo, the Osun State capital. Osogbo is 90 minutes to Ibadan, the Capital of Osun State and Ibadan is one-hour drive from Lagos, yes, the same Lagos. Are you following my map? Do you now see why Eruku is too close for comfort at a time like this? Do you see why Eruku is not some far northern countryside? Trouble is finally here, at our doorstep. Whatever gets this close will hurt Lagos, affect ‘dirty December’, establish the bad name America just gave us.

Seriously, it is as exasperating as it is confusing. I particularly do not want to believe criminals have finally won. We have threatened them, blown grammar in hot puff of angry air, yet these thieves of lives and property have continued to carry on as if they own us, all of us. They have continued to expand and enlarge their territories defiantly, as if to tell us to go jump in River Niger if we don’t like their maiming business. It is beyond embarrassing.

All because Nigeria and its leaders have shown that they lack, through the years, the political will to do what needs to be done. Because we failed to trim the branches of this iroko tree, that is why it is now threatening all the houses in its vicinity.

Dear President Bola Tinubu, sadly, the lot has fallen on you to chase out this rapist in our bedchamber. You must do it. You can do it. You are not an impotent leader. We were all here when the PDP storm swept through the South West states but you held your ground in Lagos. We all saw you quietly, steadily, stealthily build a political empire, an influential war chest long before they contrived the battle. They did not see you coming but you arrived and frontally confronted and mowed down the strongholds. You did not fight fair, they screamed, but all is fair in war. Your opponents also brought cudgels to a friendly match. Sinking your teeth into the flesh of your opponent is an acceptable strategy in wrestling. Ara ija ‘eyin wa, is how the Yoruba put it.

When they withdrew cash from circulation, you kept a steady stream flowing, somehow. You showed that you were prepared, that you were many steps ahead. Even your closest allies were afraid for your victory, but you netted it, took your catch home, all the way to the Presidential Villa, l’oju elegan, l’oju amoniseni.

In spite of the conspiracies of the enemies and booby traps of those you had helped and trusted, you got what you wanted. Why am I reminding you of what you already know? You are all Nigeria has at this moment. You navigated your way through thorns of poison. It is time to bring out that old energy and save your country, one way or the other, decisively, with surgical precision. Like Dr Festus Adedayo wrote two three weeks ago, ‘without firing a shot’, are all the governors not in APC, many physically, some spiritually?

Mr President, I do not envy you. You must be having sleepless nights back-to-back. Still, you have to do what you have to do.