Obasanjo-Fayose Saga: When an Elder Went Too Far and the Younger Went Too Low: 4 Fundamental Life Lessons I Owe Myself and My 4-Year-Old Son, By Taiwo Akinlami

I am, first of all, a student of life.

I watch life closely so that I can install its lessons in myself and instruct my family, especially my four-year-old son, whom I am raising in my twilight years. It is from that lens of parenting and values, not from partisan loyalty, that I watched the recent public exchange between former Ekiti State Governor Ayodele Fayose and former President Olusegun Obasanjo.

Let me be clear: I am not a “fan” of either man.
Age does not automatically make anyone a role model.
Past office does not automatically confer moral authority.

Yet I paid attention to their encounter because it presents vivid lessons about power, ego, apology, dignity, and what we model to the next generation.

What I Saw at the Birthday

I stumbled on the video of Mr. Fayose’s birthday celebration where General Obasanjo gave a speech. What I saw and heard shocked me.

Here was a man invited by the celebrant in the name of peace and reconciliation. Instead of responding to that overture with measured grace, the elder chose that same platform to publicly strip the celebrant bare.

He revisited private conversations, stated that he had told Mr. Fayose and his wife that they were not Omolúàbí (people of honour), and repeated it before the crowd. He did not merely correct; he flogged with words on the man’s own birthday.

The question that rose in my heart as a father was simple: Why come at all if this is what you came to do?

There is a time and a place for everything. You can disagree fiercely with a man and still respect the occasion he invited you to.

If you must maintain distance, decline the invitation. But to accept an invitation for peace and then use the microphone to humiliate your host is something else entirely.

Predictable Response, Questionable Method

Knowing a bit of Mr. Fayose’s public temperament, I was not surprised that he replied later. I was, however, saddened by the tone and approach of that reply. The response did not rise above the provocation; it descended to meet it.

So I am not here to canonise one and demonise the other. There is enough error to go around.

As we say in Yoruba, “Gámbàrí pa Fúlàní, kò le jọ nínú.”
The quarrel between Gambari and Fulani is not my concern in terms of choosing sides; they are kinsmen. My interest lies in the lessons, because my son is watching this generation and learning what adulthood looks like.

What Our Culture Really Teaches About Elders

We sometimes misquote our own culture to excuse bad behaviour from older people.

Yes, our tradition honours elders, but that honour is not blind.

Our proverbs are clear:

“Adìẹ funfun ò mọ ara rẹ̀ lágbà.”
The white hen does not know it is respected; respect must therefore be handled with care.

“Agbàlagbà tó sọ yàngàn mọ́ ìdí, ó sọ ara rẹ̀ di ojúgbà adìẹ.”
An elder who ties corn around his waist makes himself the equal of the chickens.

In other words, respect is not a blank cheque. An elder must first respect himself.

If you occupy the seat of an elder but speak recklessly, you undermine the very dignity you expect younger people to uphold.

This is one lesson I will teach my son:

Honour age and experience, but never confuse either with infallibility.

Lessons I Am Taking Away for My Son

Below are the core lessons I am extracting from this saga and will deliberately teach my son:

1. You cannot complain about what you empower.
   Mr. Fayose invited General Obasanjo.

He opened the door and handed him the microphone. If you know someone’s history with you and still empower them to define the moment, you have partly scripted your own humiliation.

For my son: Choose carefully who you give access to, especially on your most vulnerable days.

2. When someone stretches a hand for peace, both sides have responsibilities.

If a younger person reaches out to an elder seeking reconciliation, the elder has a responsibility to respond with maturity, not superiority. It takes two to make peace. It also takes two to prolong a quarrel.

For my son: Never weaponise another person’s attempt at reconciliation.

3. Respect is reciprocal, even in deeply hierarchical cultures.

Our culture does not teach blind worship of elders; it teaches mutual dignity. An elder who cannot govern his tongue or temper invites pushback and, eventually, public disrespect.

For my son: Give honour, but insist on your own dignity. Do not insult elders, but do not allow anyone, elder or not to strip you of self-respect.

4. There is a right time, place, and tone for hard truths.
   You may have strong, legitimate grievances. That does not mean every microphone is your microphone or every occasion your stage. A birthday chosen in the spirit of peace is not the place to deliver a public verdict designed to wound.

For my son: Wisdom is not just what you say, but when, where, and how you say it.

5. When an elder goes low, the younger must choose to go high.

An elder may, by words or conduct, make himself unworthy of the honour his age traditionally commands. But a younger person and certainly a leader must refuse to descend into the same arena. Michelle Obama captured it perfectly: “When they go low, we go high. Dignity is not proven by matching someone’s worst behaviour; it is preserved by rising above it.

For my son: Someone else’s loss of self-control must never become your excuse to lose yours. Hold your ground, hold your peace, and hold your dignity no matter who tries to drag you into the mud.

Why This Matters to Me as a Father

Some will say, “It is politics; leave them to it.” I disagree.

I am raising a boy who will one day navigate a world filled with powerful, wounded, ego-driven adults—some in politics, business, ministry, or academia. These public scenes are not entertainment to me; they are case studies.

I ask myself:

What does my son learn when an elder uses scripture as a weapon while humiliating another human being?

What does he learn when a younger leader responds not with restraint, but with equal or greater venom?

What does this teach him about apology, forgiveness, and boundaries?

If I stay silent, then the loudest teacher in his life becomes the trend, the clip, and the crowd reaction.

I would rather he hears a different voice his father’s voice saying:

Power without humility is dangerous.

Age without self-awareness is not wisdom.

Leadership without restraint is a threat to everyone in the room.

Peace without honesty and respect is just another performance.

My Final Word

I am not here to judge these men’s past achievements. That is a matter for history and for those who celebrate or oppose them.

I speak as a father, saying to my son and to anyone who cares to listen:

Do not be dazzled by titles.
Weigh people by their values.
Learn from their strengths, but do not inherit their flaws.

When elders quarrel in public, it is the children who are taking notes.

My duty is to help my son read those notes correctly and choose a different path.

Do have an INSPIRED rest of the week with the family.