8 Things You’re Doing In Public That Show You Have No Self-respect, According To Psychology

From over-apologizing to avoiding eye contact, these subtle public habits could be quietly telling others you don’t value yourself—here’s what psychology says you should stop doing.

Let’s be honest—we all want to be seen as confident, grounded, and in control.

But sometimes, without even realizing it, we’re sending the exact opposite message.

Public behavior says a lot about who you are and how you feel about yourself.

And psychology tells us that certain patterns can quietly broadcast “I don’t respect myself” to the people around you.

The worst part? Most of these habits aren’t loud or dramatic.

They’re subtle.

They slip into your daily routine.

And if you’re not aware of them, they can chip away at your self-image.

Let’s get into the 8 big ones you might not even realize you’re doing.

1. Speaking badly about yourself out loud

Ever notice how some people turn self-deprecation into an Olympic sport?

A small joke at your own expense can be charming—but when it’s constant, it’s a red flag.

If every story you tell about yourself is framed around how clumsy, dumb, or “a mess” you are, people start to believe that’s how you see yourself.

And as research suggests, repeated negative self-talk—especially in front of others—can lead to lower self-esteem over time and influence how others judge your competence.

Here’s the thing: words matter.

Even if you say it in a joking tone, your brain is still registering the insult.

And so is everyone else.

If you catch yourself doing this, try rephrasing.

You don’t have to pretend you’re perfect—just balance the joke with a bit of self-respect.

2. Constantly checking your phone instead of engaging

We’ve all been at that dinner where someone’s more invested in their notifications than the people at the table.

When you do this, even unintentionally, it communicates that the present moment—and the people in it—aren’t worth your full attention.

Psychologist Sherry Turkle, author of Reclaiming Conversation, notes that “face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do,” and constant device-checking erodes both connection and respect.

And here’s the kicker: if you can’t even give yourself the experience of being fully present, what does that say about the value you place on your own time?

I started leaving my phone in my bag during social events, and you’d be surprised how much richer the interactions became.

3. Over-apologizing for everything

I’ve seen people say “sorry” for things like taking the last napkin or walking through an open door first.

This isn’t about good manners—it’s about the underlying message you send.

When “sorry” is your default, you’re essentially telling the world you believe your existence is inconvenient.

A better approach?

Swap apologies for expressions of gratitude.

Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thanks for waiting for me.”

Small shift, big impact.

You still get to be polite—without erasing yourself in the process.

4. Letting others cut in line or take advantage without speaking up

Picture this: you’re at a coffee shop.

Someone blatantly steps in front of you in line.

You say nothing.

You let it slide.

Now, sometimes it’s just not worth the energy.

But if you always choose silence over asserting yourself, you teach people you’re easy to dismiss.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t have to be confrontational.

A calm, “Excuse me, I believe I was next,” is all it takes.

It’s not about starting a fight—it’s about showing yourself that your time matters as much as anyone else’s.

5. Laughing along when someone insults you

Maybe it’s a “harmless” jab about your appearance.

Or a sarcastic comment about your skills.

You laugh it off to keep things light.

But here’s the problem: laughter signals acceptance.

When you don’t push back—even with a gentle “Not cool”—you’re essentially giving permission for it to happen again.

As Brené Brown has pointed out in her work on boundaries, “We can’t expect people to respect a boundary we didn’t communicate.”

It doesn’t mean you have to shut the whole conversation down.

But you can smile and still say, “Hey, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t joke about that.”

6. Avoiding eye contact and closed-off body language

Your posture tells people a story before you even open your mouth.

Slouched shoulders, crossed arms, and avoiding eye contact can all project insecurity.

It’s not about walking around like a runway model—it’s about being open and engaged.

Studies have shown that good posture not only changes how others perceive you but can also boost your own mood and confidence.

I once caught myself shrinking into a corner at a networking event, arms crossed, eyes down.

I might as well have been wearing a sign that said “Don’t talk to me.”

The minute I straightened up and made eye contact, people started approaching me.

Your body language can either close the door or open it wide.

7. Talking over yourself or backtracking on your opinions

You’ve probably heard someone say something, then immediately dilute it:

“I think that’s a good idea—well, maybe not, I don’t know, forget I said anything.”

This habit screams uncertainty.

And in public, it can signal that you don’t trust your own voice.

It’s fine to change your mind when new information comes in—that’s healthy.

But undermining yourself in the same breath you make a point tells people your words don’t carry weight.

If you struggle with this, practice pausing before you speak.

Then, once you say it, let it stand.

You don’t need to rush in with disclaimers.

8. Letting small acts of disrespect slide without addressing them

This one’s tricky.

Not every slight needs a confrontation.

But when you let repeated minor disrespect go unchecked—people talking over you in meetings, someone “borrowing” your things without asking—you send the message that it’s okay.

Psychologist Harriet Lerner writes in The Dance of Anger, “a complaint is a gift to the relationship,” because it shows you care enough to address the problem.

Ignoring it might feel easier in the moment, but it chips away at your sense of worth.

Even a simple, “I wasn’t finished speaking,” or “I’d appreciate you asking next time” can reset the dynamic.

Final thoughts

If a few of these hit close to home, you’re not alone.

These habits are easy to pick up—especially if you’ve been taught that “polite” means “never rocking the boat.”

But self-respect isn’t loud or aggressive.

It’s in the quiet ways you show yourself that your time, voice, and presence matter.

And when you believe it, the people around you will start to believe it too.

Which of these will you start working on today?