About 1 in 6 workers in the U.S. went on a date with a coworker last year, and over half of all workers have dated a coworker at some point in their careers, according to a new survey. Despite these staggering statistics, most companies remain underprepared to help their employees navigate these relationships. So, if you’re thinking about giving your coworker a Valentine, here are some tips on how to do it professionally.
The recent Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) survey of more than 1,000 U.S. workers found that 16% had dated a coworker in the past year, and 52% had engaged in a workplace romance at some point in their careers. While 54% of these relationships were between peers, a whopping 41% involved a power imbalance. Even worse, almost a third (29%) of participants admitted that their workplace relationships were motivated by career advancement, job security, or power.
To understand how companies handle romance at work, SHRM also surveyed over 2,200 human resource professionals about their company policies. The results revealed that most organizations lack a formal approach—only 38% had a well-defined policy. In contrast, the majority either had no policy or addressed relationships on a case-by-case basis.
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This leaves most employees to navigate their workplace romances without guidance. Given their personal dating experience outside of work, many may assume they don’t need instruction. However, office relationships come with unique risks. Unlike personal relationships, workplace romances can lead to accusations of sexual harassment or even job loss if professional boundaries are crossed. The fact that many employees enter into these relationships to gain professional benefits only heightens this risk.
In other words, these relationships are dangerous for the participants and the organization. If you still are interested in pursuing one, here are some guidelines:
Know Your Company’s Policy
Review your employee handbook or consult your human resources department to understand your company’s policy on workplace relationships. If your employer is among the 5% that strictly prohibit office romance or enforce restrictive rules, consider whether pursuing a relationship is worth the potential career risk.
Some organizations require employees to disclose their relationships, while others only ban involvement where a power imbalance exists. Others may have rules prohibiting coworkers on the same team from dating. Knowing the rules in advance is essential for safely navigating a workplace romance.
Ask Only Once
If you’re interested in dating a coworker, a good rule of thumb is to ask them out only once. If they decline, respect their decision and do not ask again. Remember, your coworker is there to do their job, and relentless pursuit can quickly become unwelcome or even be perceived as harassment.
Get Consent
You may be confident your coworker feels the same way as you do, but don’t leave anything up to chance. Before any physical interaction, explicit and voluntary consent from your partner is required. That means, no matter how much you think it’s consensual, before the grope, the kiss, the touch on the thigh, affirmative consent must be obtained. If you want to get technical about it, there are even apps such as uConsent, LegalFling, The Consent App and YesMeansYes that allow potential lovers to obtain, provide or withdraw electronic consent.
Disclose Your Relationship
Most couples keep their workplace relationships a secret from their employer, which may seem more manageable in the short term but can lead to complications later. If the relationship ends and a former partner disputes consent, the lack of prior disclosure could create problems. Additionally, disclosing your relationship early allows your company to help monitor and address any favoritism concerns, protecting you and creating a greater sense of fairness. So, avoid the temptation to keep the relationship secret—even if you believe you’re successfully keeping your relationship hidden, your coworkers will likely figure it out eventually.
Avoid Boss-Subordinate Relationships
According to the SHRM survey, 41% of workplace relationships involved a power imbalance—something best avoided for several reasons. If you hold authority over a partner, it can be difficult to determine whether their consent is genuine or influenced by professional pressure. If you’re in a subordinate position, colleagues may assume any success, promotions, or accolades result from favoritism rather than merit. No matter which side of the power dynamic you’re on, ending the relationship can be challenging and may have lasting consequences on your career.
If you are already involved in a relationship with a power imbalance, even if it doesn’t involve favoritism, colleagues will still likely perceive that it does. Be aware of how your interactions appear to others and take steps to avoid any perception of bias.
No Public Displays Of Affection
Avoiding public displays of affection may seem obvious, but even something as small as catching your partner’s eye in a meeting can make colleagues uncomfortable. Keeping your relationship discreet maintains professionalism and prevents unnecessary office gossip that could impact your reputation. Similarly, when your relationship is struggling, you should avoid bringing personal conflicts into the office and don’t let your relationship interfere with productivity or professional interactions.
Don’t Use Company Communication Channels for Romance
Keep personal conversations off work email, Slack, or other company-owned communication devices. These can be monitored by employers, and it’s best to keep your personal and work life separate.
If this seems like a lot of effort for a date or hookup, that’s because it should be. Workplace romance is not something to take lightly—employees should carefully consider the risks, understand potential challenges and be prepared for possible complications.
