7 Things You Should Always Keep to Yourself, According to Stoic Philosophy

In an era defined by oversharing, public broadcasting, and curated personas, the Stoic path offers a counterintuitive wisdom: some things are better left unspoken.

The Stoics—Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Zeno, Musonius Rufus—attuned us to the idea that peace, integrity, and inner resilience arise less from what the world sees and more from what we guard within.

Below are seven types of things that, according to Stoic insight, one does well to keep to oneself (or at least disclose only with care). I explore each point with quotes, reflections, and practical considerations.

1. Your Deepest Ambitions and Long-Term Goals

It’s tempting in our culture to broadcast big goals: “I’m going to start my own company,” “I’ll run a marathon,” “I aim to double my income this year.” But the Stoics counsel restraint. When you share ambitions too early, you subject them to outside opinion, distraction, and even sabotage by well-meaning critics.

Marcus Aurelius advises:

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

He does not suggest that every plan be announced to the public. Rather, act. Let your works speak. (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations)

Epictetus, in a related spirit, counsels restraint in speech:

“Never call yourself a philosopher, nor talk a great deal among the unlearned about theorems, but act conformably to them.”

By keeping your long-term goals private, you protect them from external influence, preserve mental focus, and reduce the risk of leaking energy into defense or justification rather than execution. Once results emerge, they’ll stand by themselves.

2. Your Insecurities and Internal Self-Criticisms

We all harbor fears, doubts, regrets, and self-critical chatter. To guard these inner dialogues is not to deny them but to treat them with dignity and sovereignty. If you speak your insecurities too freely, even to yourself, they may become louder, more invasive.

Marcus Aurelius warns:

“Don’t be overheard complaining — not even to yourself.”

That isn’t an injunction to pretend you feel nothing; it’s a method of authority — you are not ruled by your complaints.

Seneca also reminds us:

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

Those mental distortions we replay over and over—ruminations, shame, regret—are often worse than the actual events. Keeping them to yourself (or disciplined journaling rather than constant verbal venting) helps you gain perspective, test their truth, and respond wisely rather than impulsively.

3. Your Charitable Acts and Kindnesses (When No Audience Is Needed)

A generous act is more virtuous when it is given freely, without expectation of praise or audience. The Stoics valued virtue in its purity. When we trumpet our kindnesses, we risk converting virtue into vanity.

While there is no exact parallel quote that says “do good quietly,” the Stoic mindset affirms that virtue is its own reward. Epictetus urges that our improvement should be shown by our conduct, not by our announcements:

“Don’t just say you have read books. Show that through them you have learned to think better, to be a more discriminating and reflective person.”

In other words: your works embody your values without needing a running commentary. If a generosity must be public (for awareness, inspiration, or mobilization), do it with humility, but be wary of letting public approval become the reward rather than the act itself.

4. Your Negative Judgments, Critiques, and Grudges

Criticizing others, venting negative judgments, or holding grudges often reveals more about our attachments and character than the target of criticism. Stoicism invites us to inward reflection first. Marcus Aurelius instructs:

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”

By internalizing your judgments, you transform negativity into opportunity for introspection and growth.

Furthermore, Epictetus teaches:

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

Holding a grudge or broadcasting criticism is surrendering your own peace to external stimuli. Better to digest in silence, seek clarity, and, if necessary, act with purpose rather than venting. The fewer resentments you give voice to, the lighter your soul.

5. Your Emotional Turmoil Over the Past

Most of us have past mistakes, regrets, heartbreaks, and moments we replay in memory. While healing may involve sharing with trusted friends or therapists, the Stoic approach suggests we avoid making our past traumas our public identity.

Seneca’s line again resonates:

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

Fixating on past events—reopening old wounds in every conversation—can tether your mind to a time that no longer exists. Better to accept, learn, and move forward.

Marcus Aurelius also reminds us:

“Confine yourself to the present.”

When you insist on vocalizing your past burdens in public, you risk anchoring your identity in them forever. Instead, keep them private, examine them in solitude, and allow your present character to transcend them.

6. The Pride You Take in Your Successes and Achievements

Accomplishment is sweet. But when you constantly broadcast your wins, you may erode humility, provoke envy, or come to depend on external validation.

Marcus Aurelius counsels:

“Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.”

This sobering reflection undercuts the ego’s impulse to show off. Life is fleeting, and one’s character is what endures. Let success be quiet. Let mastery be silent. Let your humility reside in the lobes of your mind before it touches the lips of the world.

Even if people already admire your achievements, reserve the narrative. You are not defined by your wins, but by your consistency, your character, your growth.

7. Your Plans to Improve, Transform, or Change

Progress is internal work—habits, routines, mindset shifts, personal disciplines. To let the world in on every micro-step invites feedback, doubt, interruptions, or ego distractions. Instead, the Stoics counsel perseverance and privacy in one’s internal metamorphosis.

As often cited in Stoic-adjacent writing:

“Don’t talk about your plans and progress in front of others. Keep silent and work on becoming wiser, more self-controlled and just.”

Though not from a canonical text, this captures the spirit of Stoic self-cultivation. Let your transformation be unadvertised; show it only through changed responses, integrity, and consistency.

Epictetus’ admonition to act rather than preach is relevant again:

“Never call yourself a philosopher … but act conformably to them.”

You don’t need to publicly announce that you’re meditating more, reading more, or trying new disciplines. Over time, others will see subtle change in your temperament, your decisions, your composure—and you’ll protect your inner work from dilution by external chatter.

Why the Stoics Value This Kind of Discretion

At first glance, the advice to “keep things to yourself” might seem remote, aloof, or emotionally detached. But in fact, it is rooted in the Stoic core: govern yourself, preserve your sovereignty, and let virtue be your internal compass.

Here are a few key reasons why Stoics prized restraint in disclosure:

1. Guarding your inner citadel.
   The Stoics often spoke of the inner fortress of the mind. What you entrust to others becomes vulnerable territory. By limiting disclosures, you preserve control and composure.
2. Avoiding the tyranny of external opinion.
   Epictetus reminds us:“If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you … leaving it disturbed and troubled — have you no shame in that?”When you overshare, you allow external voices to roam inside your mental domain.
3. Preserving energy and focus.
   Speaking, explaining, defending, justifying—these consume emotional and mental energy. In the Stoic view, defending yourself to everyone is a resource drain away from real action.
4. Letting virtue speak through character, not words.
   Words can be empty; consistent behavior cannot. The Stoic ideal is to manifest integrity rather than to advertise it.
5. Assuring humility and avoiding ego inflation.
   When we keep success, progress, or virtue quiet, we resist letting ego swallow the deed. Action remains primary; applause becomes incidental.

Practical Tips for Applying These Principles Today

• Journal instead of narrate. Use a private journal (physical or digital) to reflect on insecurities, regrets, plans, and struggles. Make it your laboratory, not your soapbox.
• Be discerning about your listeners. If you must share, do so with a trusted inner circle—people tested over time, who can hold your confidences well.
• Delay sharing until results appear. You may choose to share later, when your progress is visible, so that it adds value rather than distracts.
• Develop “quiet speech.” Practice expressing truth without drama. Let your choice of words be measured, precise, non-amplifying.
• Observe internal filters. Before speaking, pause: “Why am I about to say this? What effect? Does it serve virtue or ego?”
• Practice limits online. Social media is the modern amplifier of oversharing. Before posting a personal emotion, complaint, or plan, consider whether it must go public, or if inner discretion is wiser.
• Rehearse restraint. Each day, try keeping one thing unsaid—your to-do in your head, your internal irritation, your small ambition—and feel the discipline of silence.

Closing Thoughts

The Stoic path is not about shutting out others, but about mastering the perimeter of your inner world. Some parts of you deserve sacred custody—not for secrecy’s sake, but for strength’s sake. When you choose what to disclose and when, you assert your autonomy, preserve your dignity, and let your virtue flourish without constant audience.

As you go about your life, ask: Which part of me deserves to remain silent today? Even in a world saturated by noise, your inner quiet can be your greatest power.

If you like, I can polish this further, add more Stoic quotes, or format it for your blog. Do you want me to send you a final version you can directly publish?

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Credit: www.experteditor.com.au